Monday, April 3, 2017

100 days of tara

tara is a 100 days old today, which means that i am allowed to eat nangka (jackfruit) and cempedak. woo hoo! on a more serious note it's really been 100 days of love. i'm so in love with our not-so-little family of five that i want to eyeroll myself.

when i found out that i was pregnant with tara i freaked the hell out because leo and jade took a huge toll on me, mentally. raising twins was no joke and i remember being so angry all the time. i was drinking ALOT too and i never really got to enjoy them. it could have been hormones, it could have been my immaturity, it could have been a lot of things but i look back and many times i feel so bad for the way i felt and was with leo and jade and raymond too.

just as things were getting better for the four of us as a family i found out that we were pregnant and i swear my knees buckled when the stick showed the little plus sign. i was in such disbelief that i bought two more pregnancy tests just to make sure. but as the pregnancy went on it was easy to be distracted with the twins and my performance. i didn't really stress out on what was about to happen and how it would change the dynamics of the family.

many people have asked me how the twins are handling another baby in the household and with all honesty i could not have wished for a better reception. however, during my pregnancy, jade was a little sensitive especially during my first trimester when i had epic nausea, there were meltdowns and a lot of crying but i tried my best to explain to them that there was a little baby growing inside of me. i shared with them all of the ultrasounds and even showed them videos of baby's development in the womb as the weeks went by. we also told the twins that when the baby came i would have to be in the hospital for a day or two before i could go home. when the twins came to visit me in the hospital i made a conscious effort for them to meet her in the little hospital bassinet rather than seeing me carrying a new baby.

leo took to tara immediately, and till today my heart melts every time i see them together. without fail every morning the twins jump on my bed to say good morning to tara and shove their faces in her face and tara breaks into a huge smile every time she sees them. there has been many times where she stops crying the second leo or jade come to her side. i am certain that these three have met before.

as for me...everything seems to have fallen into place. tara has made me a better mother and i am finally at ease with my duties and roles. it could have been because of my natural delivery, that the body went through what it needed to without any medical intervention, which meant that my hormone levels could stabilise at a normal pace.

i have also been exclusively breastfeeding, which is great!

so far at a hundred days tara can gurgle and coo, she has incredible projectile poops that have stained many onesies and a few of my pants, she laughed once while mum was carrying her while i was paying for my skincare products at kiehl's bangsar village, which meant that i missed it, she hates her carseat, she still sleeps in bed with us and she just started self soothing with her thumb.

thank you for choosing us to be your parents tara. i really cannot imagine my life without you.